Lately, the boys have been napping at the same time in the early afternoon, and seeing I no longer have to study for the Bar, and because not many jobs have been posted lately due to the 4th of July holiday, I have been watching "Maternity Ward" and the other pregnancy/L&D shows during nap-time. I was thinking about this yesterday as I laid on the table at the Red Cross for my bi-monthly blood donation.People close to me cannot understand the guilt and frustration and other overwhelming emotions I felt about delivering the boys so far before their due date. I myself couldn't fully understand these emotions until I met other NICU moms, and realized that we all carry these emotions with us our entire lives, but can learn to manage these feelings and "put them away" so they don't suffocate us.
As I laid on the table yesterday, I thought more about my boys, and the tiny NICU babies I had seen during the boys' stay, babies like the ones who will receive the blood that was pumping from my arm. And I started thinking about those shows -- and I started to feel proud of my body. Proud that my boys were such giants for being 32 weekers, proud that my body had managed to hold on the extra 2 weeks after PPROM (my OB laughingly told me that I'm the only woman he's ever seen actually will herself out of labor!), proud that I could give them the extra 2 weeks that they needed in-utero to lessen the medical interventions they would need after birth. On the L&D shows, 32 week babies often weigh in the mid-3 pound range -- and I looked it up. That is average for that gestation. No wonder the neonatologist told me the boys were such big boys -- at 4lb7oz an 4lb2oz, they were twice the size of many of the other babies in their NICU pod!I guess this is another example of positive thinking, something Bethany and I talk about regularly -- changing something that could be a negative (like giving birth early), and finding a way to find a positive in the situation (like having such big babies). Just imagine how big they would have been if I had carried them 38 weeks!
2 comments:
I think that you can help other moms who are currently in your situation to validate their current frustrations, personal anger, etc but to know that with time, these feelings can settle. I think sharing your story will definitely help not only moms of premies but moms who carried closer to term to feel PROUD of their body for the job it did and to know that each day in utero is important.
I have heard of many twins who are born close to full term that weigh in the 4lb range. Brandon, my husband is a twin and was born at 36/37 weeks and he and his sister weighed 4lb (something oz). You did an EXCELLENT job with the twins and now they are healthy boys!!!!
Holy Moly! My friend gave birth to twin girls at 35 weeks, and they were the size of your boys! You are a super gestator!
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