One of the biggest pet peeves of mothers of twins is when people say, "Oh, it can't be *that* hard having twins." And people love to compare their experiences of having a singleton with the trials and tribulations of having twins. For example, "My son had reflux and cried a lot -- so that was at least as hard as having 2 babies." Or, "Having twins can't be even twice as much work. Maybe one and a half times as much work as a single baby. You're already cutting up food for lunch, what's the big deal about cutting up a little bit more?" Or, "My friend from college has twins. It doesn't seem like it's that much work." For some reason, these comments have a way of getting under the skin of us twin moms -- and of course I can't speak for everyone, but this seems to be a very common gripe among my twin-mommy friends! I don't need anyone to recognize just how difficult it is having multiples, but I also find it demeaning when someone tells me that it can't really be that hard. Because how would you know? Have you ever walked a day in my shoes? 
The husband and I were talking about this the other day. A member of my in-law family (who does not have twins) made one of these comments to me early in the boys' lives, and we often use it as a joke between us -- "It's not that hard, remember? *Name of the guilty party* told us that!" I bring this up now because the boys are sick. They were up for a combined total of NINE times two nights ago. That is a lot of time for us to be up soothing sick babies, while also trying to get a bit of sleep. Husband's job has gotten incredibly more demanding in the past few days with the Governor's announcement that she will not run for re-election, and I am in the final few weeks of law school, trying to finish the Bar application and interviewing for jobs. Now I'm sick, too, and Roy is on the verge.Granted, I have no idea how challenging it must be to have a toddler and a newborn -- and I'm sure that is very difficult and trying. That being said, I have never once felt compelled to go up to a stranger with a toddler and an infant simply to tell her that it can't be *that* hard, or to somehow demean her experience by trying to prove to her that my experience was more challenging.
*end rant*
5 comments:
Seriously? I can NOT believe people say that. Since I had a singleton not to long have you had your twins I live in constant AWE of your ability to take care of TWO boys. I think one is hard, and Colin was/is a pretty good baby/toddler so I don't have much to complain about. At mealtimes I admit I often think, hmm I bet Erin wastes less food than I do since a pot of Mac and cheese never gets finished and I make a whole sandwich but half the time he only eats half.But sheesh when two kids go in two different directions what the heck do you do?!?
People are so rude
btw Love the pics (and if you were intentionally trying not to use husbands name, you missed one)
I think it is the "grass is greener" syndrome in a way. People always think things are easier for others and so hard on themselves. Taking care of 1, 2, 3 has its challenges and its advantages (as Becky posted about the possible Mac-N-cheese). A parent's role is a challenge (or so I have heard) and anyone who is a parent and keeps their child's well-being always in the forefront of their mind should be commended.
That is my non-parent parental advice.
PS Erin..again where do you find these people who tell you all these things?? I think you may need to move----
in my opinion, nothing about having twins sounds easy at all. as a matter of fact, i often think...man, if one baby is this much work, i couldn't imagine having twins! you probaby can't catch a break between the two of them. i almost went insane during the newborn stage....
on the bright side, you get twice the love:) (and apparently, twice the amount of unsolicited comments)
I love when they like to compare raising "Irish Twins" to having actual twins. No, it's not the same. Having a baby and a toddler is not the same as having two babies. It might be difficult but it's not the same. Can you tell I hear this a lot? I just smile and think- you come to my house when they are up every 30 minutes all night long...
We hear that all the time! Especially when we decided to adopt with 1 at home and 2 on the way. We got the "what's one more!?" question all the time. I get it. Completely.
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