A new day.

I have a card on my refrigerator. It says, "All endings are also beginnings, we just don't know it at the time." (Mitch Albom) I thought about that quote a lot on Thursday, as I found myself sitting in a courtroom and answering the judge's questions about the divorce settlement, which happened rather quickly and unexpectedly. I certainly hadn't woken up on Thursday morning, expecting to be divorced by afternoon. But that is what happened. After I walked out of the courthouse, I sat in my car, unable to process what had just happened. I felt like I had walked in the courthouse as one person, and walked out as someone else. Yes, at that point, our marriage was only an entity on paper, but it was still part of who I was, how I defined myself. I suddenly found myself with a big void -- I thought I would feel happy, or relieved at the very least -- but I felt neither. I felt sad. An overwhelming, overpowering sadness. I thought I had grieved the loss of the marriage and the dreams "we" had for a family, but that last day in court was harder than I had anticipated.

After getting home from court, I was tired. So, so tired. I felt like I hadn't slept or eaten in days (oh right, I hadn't). I changed into pajamas and curled up in my chair and just thought, and processed, and felt sad, and decided the best path to make Friday a new day.