It has been a week. I can now say the word without it getting caught in my throat. It felt odd to add that to my identity, "I am divorced," but it is my life -- what choice do I have but to accept it, embrace it, and move on with my life?
I had a long conversation with one of my friends, a woman in her early 50s who has been divorced for a number of years. As we talked, I told her that I had tried to explain to my non-divorced family and friends how I felt on Thursday after court -- that I wasn't simply divorced, but that day in court was the final "nail in the coffin" on the youthful (or childish, perhaps) idealism and naivete of a "happily ever after," of the dreams and aspirations that come along with a first true love, of believing that I could promise to spend my life loving someone else. As I talked, she gave me a wry half-smile, and "welcomed" me to the club. It was reassuring to me that she knew exactly what I was going to say before I could even say it, and made me feel much more normal about all of this.
I am feeling settled. The turmoil and uncertainty that had been such a weight on my mind have now disappeared.
Welcome to the exciting lives of Sam and Ben, fraternal twin boys born March 18, 2008 at 32 weeks!
Playing
Mommy and Ben
20 tiny toes!
About Me
- Erin
- When not caring for the babies, I'm a wife, sister, daughter and 3L law student at UCONN. Life is hectic, but I wouldn't have it any other way!
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2 comments:
Although every family adjusts differently to divorce, in my circumstances I was happy when my parents split up. I knew my parents (they got divorced when I was 9) should not be married because they fought all the time. My only fear was not seeing my dad because other divorced friends did not see their kids. That did not happen to me. Holidays were sometimes a bit juggled but I knew growing up that it was for the best. Again I know this is my circumstance.
I don't think it is naive to think you will be married forever. Although I don't know you well, I do feel confident that you put in so much effort to try to make your marriage work and didn't throw in the towel at the first hiccup that came along. You can rest your head easy at night knowing that you simply could not do more to make it work unless you stayed unhappy forever, which is not what you wanted to role model for your boys.
I hope you find good supports throughout the coming months who can let you vent and also understand what you are going through.
I'm really sorry Erin. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you. But like you said in your other post, every end is another beginning. It might not seem like it now, but you'll land on your feet. This is the start to a whole new chapter in your life. Hang in there.
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